Help...I just cannot get her to trust me.

[lgbrlbatb]

Hi all,

I am new to the forum this month. I got my first Lovebird almost 4 weeks ago. I have tried and tried but she just will not trust me. At first someone told me to hold her as much as possible which I did for about a week but then I realized that the chase to catch her was probably too frightening for her to ever trust me. So I backed off. I enter her cage everyday to change her food and water which she lets me do without a fuss. But the moment I try to come anywhere near her she freaks out. I can stick a perch in and get her to step up so I have been gradually working my hand closer and closer to the end of the perch but if I get within 6" of the end she freaks out...no matter how slow I move. It has been a month now and she still isn't budging. I recently found a way to trap her in her "Happy Hut Hideaway". If I put a hand on each side blocking her in I can slowly reach in to get her which avoids the cage chasing and seems to be less stressful for her. But even when I am holding her and petting her she relaxes a little but she still takes flight the first chance she gets. Can anyone recommend some advice on getting her to trust me?

Also I try offering her fresh fruit/Veggies but she will not eat them...I usually end up throwing it away after a few hours untouched...should I be giving her a supplement or something. I have tried several types and she just doesn't want them.

:shrug:

[Sue]

Hi Rhonda, welcome to the forum.

4 weeks is only a short time, it sounds as if the "chasing and trapping" has freaked her out.

You need to take things really slowly for her to gain your trust.
Start by talking to her when you pass the cage, no sudden movements or loud noises.
Sit by the cage and talk to her softly, don't try touching at this stage.
Then gradually over time and it could be months, move in closer touch her lightly but don't grab or trap her.Ask her to step up and put a finger in front of hr chest but if she wont don't force it.
There's a lot on here about positive reinforement (sorry I don't have time to find it now) but search the forums and you'll find some good advise.

It takes ages to build up true trust and only seconds to break it.
Re the food thing give her lots of choices, they won't always take things straight away, it took me months to get Toto to eat brocolli, now he loves it.

Good luck and i'm sure you'll get loads of good advice here.

[Eriisu-chan]

I've had my budgie for a year and he doesn't like being handled at all... He let me handle him easily twice, once when Igot him when he too scared to move, and once when he got badly injured not too long ago... he knew I wanted to help.

Forcing her out of the cage is actually a step away from progress, so I'd stop that right away. Try something else to build trust that doesn't even involve taking her out of the cage... does she take treats from your hands through the bars? You could try the targeting game, with a popsicle stick or chopstick (I use a chopstick) or a straw or anything else you tell to "touch", when she grabs it with her beak you say "GOOD!!" and praise her and give her a treat... It's a great little game and a HUGE stepping stone for trust and trick training... my little 10 months old Meyer learned about 5 tricks after he learned to target, including drinking out of a syringe... which is great is ever he needs meds!

The great thing about targeting, too (as if trust and tricks weren't enough! :funny: ), is that you can do it when you're outside of the cage and birdie's in the cage...

Here's a few video's to show you...

This one is a lovebird targeting a laser pointer from his cage. NOT my bird NOR is it me... just a random Youtube video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MaRFuFPOSk

This one is me and my Tango training... before he learned most of his tricks : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAnWZ_pqFeI

And THIS one (best for last, of course) is our very own Dr Ellen Cook demonstrating clicker training to build trust :agree: : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkI9PvOsjS0&feature=related

[Shirley]

Thank you for the excellent links, Elise, and I'll also recommend a visit to this site:

Happily Ever After with Parrots -- a Learning Game (http://shirleymorgan.com/companionparrotmedia/Teaching-Parrots.html)

for Dr. Cook's excellent training DVD, using positive reinforcement. You can view a video trailer there, and read the chapter contents.

:thanx:

[CocosMomma]

Hi, Rhonda, and welcome again to the forum! You've gotten some good advice and links. Figured I'd throw a couple things on the table, just in case they might help! ;) First, I wanted to commend you for your decision to stop chasing; your instincts served you well. It is, imo, a bit counter productive.

I see she is not all that impressed with your attempts to provide fresh fruits and vegetables!:shrug2::funny: A fairly common response. What type of main diet are you presently serving? To expand her food palate a bit, you may also want to try some other things: well scrambled egg (including shell), plain yogurt, pasta, and rice and beans for example served at room temperature.

Let me ask this - will she sit on your shoulder? If so, I'd do as much of that as possible. No pressure - just mom and fid hanging out together.

If she is not ready to shoulder sit yet, then I would begin with making every effort to be near here, but making no demands on her. Letting her see you engaged in every day activity. Have her sitting next to you when you are reading a book, watching tv, on the computer, etc. In whatever ways you can integrate her in your daily activities where she is able to observe you, it will be beneficial as you work the other suggestions to begin building a trusting relationship. It does take time. 4 weeks does seem like a long time, but it really isn't (as has already been mentioned). She will also be 'enriched' by watching you do things; you'd be amazed how entertaining we humans can be doing our daily activities!

You mentioned that you can put your hand in the cage. And she seems to be accepting that well. You do realize what a huge step that is, yes?! YES! She's not flailing all over her cage and freaking out when your hand comes inside! That's huge! If all she was willing to do was step up on the stick and then hang out on the back of my chair or a nearby chair, or a play area, then that is also progress. And if you are eating and have some birdie approved foods on your plate, then you might be able to get her interested in joining you! It would be good to find some treat that she really, really loves. I would start this process by having my hand, when it entered the cage, leave a 'deposit' of a special treat in her bowl. Notice you put that in the bowl by your hand inside the cage, not outside. A piece of unsalted peanut dropped in her bowl? A millet spray in your hand (if this does not upset her) that she can take a quick bite of? A small piece of unsalted cracker that she can't resist? These are treats, so as long as they are not loaded with salt and sugar, and a tiny piece, this will get you jump started to working with the suggested target training when you discover one or more things she can't resist. What about a tiny piece of air popped popcorn? That could be a biggggiiieeee!! (Works for me, too!:doh:)

If she were a person and not a love bird, you would be suggesting a movie, a dinner, some talking to get to know each other - no pressure or pushing, and taking things at a slow, steady rate. I would suggest the same approach as you continue to discover her likes and dislikes. If she's just willing to sit on the back of your chair or a nearby chair, or your shoulder, then you can really take advantage of that. If not, then she can sit on top of the cage, on a play pen, or in the cage and you can involve her in your daily activities. And then, let the fun commence! What is this sweet gal's name??:wub:

[FlyingWithoutWings]

Well, lovebirds are by nature a bit skiddish. 4 weeks is not a long time. Trapping is really really bad. If you have to do it to keep them out of harms way, that's one thing. but you may have a longer road ahead to gain back her trust.
We've had hannah since she was 10 days old so she's pretty bonded to us and always has been. I would say just really take time to sit by her cage, talk to her, sing to her, and offer small treats for being a good bird.
it will take some time but you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Conurelovie]

The above advice is absolutely correct. Time to slow down.
Lovebirds are very curious little guys, so like the others said, sit near the cage as much as you can with the cage door open. Talk to your bird alot, sing a song, read out loud, and quietly do something that looks like lots of fun to a bird... play with some beads, a piece of paper, a little bell. Have treats, some millet ( a little piece of the spray millet). When he does come to investigate, don't try to reach for him, just let him investigate you and get near your hands.
Takes time and patience, but he'll come around!